France Mini Cheese Set

The food in Japan is pretty delicious. By that, I mean Japanese food.

Foreign food? Well, it's hit or miss. You can find delicious imported food, albeit at a hefty price. You can also find "okay" imported food at a hefty price. (Looking at you, "imported food stores in shopping malls," you know who you are.) You can also find "foreign food" in regular supermarkets. This one is... well...

Unfortunately, one nation has repeatedly been disrespected and abused with this, and it’s France.

Many Japanese people, especially the more refined ones (understand: the Japanese bourgeoisie, mostly) love French food... Wait, scratch that... A certain part of the Japanese population loves the idea of French food. They don't know the first thing about actual French food and I'm not sure they would liked it if they tried it.
When they go to Paris, they probably try it... It just so happens that real Japanese restaurants in Paris are full of two kinds of customers: French people who fantasize about Japan and Japanese tourists who have tried authentic French cuisine and don't want to starve for the remainder of their time in the city.

Okay, time for a disclaimer before someone gets offended. "Not all Japanese people." Of course, there are a few who actually love the real thing. I mean, I know. Otherwise, I wouldn't have met my wife.

So... Many Japanese people love the idea of French food but wouldn't like the real thing, and the real thing is quite pricey when imported (which isn't always possible). As a consequence, fake "French food" is quite popular in Japan. After all, the important thing is that there’s a French flag on the box, right?

This brings us to my topic of the day.

Fake French Cheese in Japan

My supermarket has an entire section of its dairy aisle dedicated to it. There are also some fake Italian cheeses, but I'll let an Italian person write about those if you don't mind.

Here is an example:

WTF?
Some wars have been started for less. This product is not even remotely related to Camembert. If you didn't already know, the brand is the main giveaway: Kraft. It’s an American brand (If you don't know already, a friendly advice: steer clear of all American cheeses at all cost). Let's just say that this would be illegal in France. I'm not joking. It would literally be illegal to put the word "Camembert" on such a thing.

Now, let's go down a little further down that rabbit hole.

So, it's a... checks notes... France Mini Cheese Set. I almost added "Starter Pack" by mistake.

I’m not sure what to say.

Time to see what's inside!

• Mini Camembert: Hmm, maybe... But no!
  I mean, a "mini camembert" isn't technically impossible, but... Well, I mentioned laws earlier. I’m pretty sure the size is part of the regulations that define a Camembert. But I could be wrong.
• Mini Brie: Take the previous paragraph, replace "Camembert" with "Brie," and you have my thoughts.

Let's continue. This is where it gets interesting. It's not for the faint of heart. I'm warning you!

• Cheese on Cracker: Here is probably my number one pet peeve about silly clichés regarding France and its cuisine. No, no, no, and no again! French people do not eat cheese on crackers. Apparently, it originates from England, but the first time I heard about French people eating cheese on crackers was in the US, where people told me that's what French people do. The only people I've seen eat cheese on crackers are foreigners, mostly Americans, trying to look French. They would've looked more French wearing a beret, although they probably would've worn it improperly. (that was a joke, by the way, French people also don't wear berets for the vast majority)
  Come on! Crackers aren't even French!
  If Japanese people don't know that, that's understandable, but Anglos? Really?
  I think this misconception comes from the fact that French people do eat cheese with bread. We eat it with French bread—you know, baguettes and such. It turns out that the US doesn't have any edible bread, so they took the next available option: crackers.
  There’s also this silly idea that anything French has to be sexy and refined. Fresh baguettes aren't really sexy or refined. Eating a baguette is messy! The slices are irregularly shaped. There are crumbs everywhere. It’s also very difficult to eat one with your pinky up in the air.
  Are crackers somehow sexy and refined? I don't know. What I know is that cheese isn't supposed to be sexy or refined! Most French cheeses stink, for crying out loud! You won't want to kiss anyone who's eaten some. Jeez!
• Cream Cheese: What? Did I read that wrong? Is it a typo? C.R.E.A.M. space C.H.E.E.S.E.? Cream cheese? Cream cheese isn't even French! It's American! Or British. One of those! Once again, I had never heard of cream cheese before setting foot in the US.
  Okay, who’s responsible for this starter pack? What's their name? Chesco? Come on, Chesco! You're not even trying here! You can't find cream cheese in France! Well, technically, you can, but only as an imported product.
  All right, I admit it; cream cheese isn't as gross as fake Camembert. But are we sure this thing in the box is real cream cheese before getting excited?
  Even if it is, why has it ended up in a box of supposedly French cheese?
  Some say cream cheese is like crème fraîche. No, it's not. Not at all. You wouldn't want to eat crème fraîche on bread, toast, or even crackers. Crème fraîche is not meant to be eaten this way. It's an ingredient used for cooking.

Oh, goodness! We’re lucky there were only four items in this box.

Japanese and American people, please stay away from French cheese. Please do. Unless you’re in France, of course. In that case, eat it!

All right, I’ll stop here for today. I could rant all night about foreigners disrespecting French cheese. And if you disrespect French cheese, you disrespect France. None of us wants that, right?

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Note to self: Should I file this post under "Ask a Frenchman" or "Ugly Japan"? Both, I suppose.

Disclaimer: Dear local supermarket, despite the “no photo” sign on your front door, I took a picture in your facility. Yes, I saw it, and I still took a picture—more than one, to be honest.
Please don't send me to jail. I did it for educational purposes. I want Japanese people to learn about real French cheese. What you sell is definitely not that. No disrespect meant. I don't want to go to jail.

Thanks for reading.

Best,

David