Spending Christmas Alone
It’s already nighttime on Christmas Eve in my part of the world. The kids are in bed, and we’re waiting for them to be fully asleep so that we can put the presents near the Christmas tree.
And I just remembered a thing I wrote a couple of years ago, and that I wanted to share with you tonight.
Christmas alone
Depending on your culture, Christmas may be more or less important. In my culture, it is the main family holiday of the year.
So know that if you have to spend Christmas alone this year or any other year, I fully understand how you feel. I’m lucky to have my family nearby these days and to be spending Christmas with them. However, back when I lived in the US between 1998 and 2005, I spent a few Christmases alone (three or four, I can’t remember exactly). It really sucked being far from my family at a time when we usually gathered together, and when most families around did just that too.
Does this feel familiar to you tonight?
Well, then maybe I can give you a few tips.
Every time I was alone for Christmas, the first thing I did to prepare was convince myself several weeks in advance that it would just be a regular day, no different from the other days of the week. (As I was a student, it was winter break, so I treated it like any other winter break day: getting up late, watching movies, playing video games, and chatting with friends online. Can you believe it? Social media didn't exist yet!) I would get presents (from family, friends, as well as myself), but I would open them as soon as I received them, not on Christmas Day. I wouldn't do anything special on Christmas Eve either. Maybe a "French-ish" dinner and a movie, and not much else.
It worked pretty well for the most part. The only thing that made me feel worse was when other people tried to cheer me up. I know they meant well, but it always ended up the same way. I felt pretty okay about being alone for Christmas. Then, a friend or acquaintance would ask me about my plans and whether I was flying home. I'd tell them no, I wouldn't; I'd be alone. Then, in their most sympathetic voice, they’d tell me how sorry they were and how bad they felt for me.
That would instantly crush my mood.
So this piece of advice is also for people who won't be alone and who talk to people who will. Please don't overdo it with the sympathy.
Now, I also want to tell you about a very special Christmas Eve. Reading what happened may make you feel better if you're alone tonight and bored and only slightly depressed.
It was Christmas Eve 2003, if I remember correctly.
I lived in Gainesville, Florida, at the time, and once again, I was going to spend Christmas alone. I had managed to prepare myself psychologically (I had done it a couple of times before, I knew what to expect by then), and everything was more or less planned to be as OK as possible on that Christmas Eve.
One of my good friends at the time was not super close to her family, so while she usually spent a day with her old mom who lived a few hours away, she was going to stay in town for the rest of the break. We’d hang out, and all that… So it was going to be slightly less lonely than usual.
Or so I thought.
Things started to go awry when she was hospitalized just a few days before Christmas due to a serious health issue. She had to spend Christmas in the hospital in poor condition. Whatever happened to me afterward, I just needed to remember where she was and how she was feeling. That was enough to prevent me from feeling too sorry for myself.
She had a few pets (one dog and two cats). My roommate, who was spending a few days with her family, also had two cats that stayed in our house. So, the plan was to do a lot of pet sitting that day and night.
December 24th was pretty uneventful.
When night came, I went to my friend’s apartment to feed her pets, walk her dog, clean her cat’s litter box, etc. I probably spent a couple of hours there and then returned home. I was starting to get hungry and was looking forward to preparing and eating the nice dinner I had planned. I think it included confit de canard because it’s one of the few French dishes from my home area that could easily be brought to the US.
Well, Ethel had other plans. She was one of my roommate’s two cats. She was probably the only cat I ever loved. (I didn't hate all the others, so don't put words in my mouth.) While I was taking care of my friend's pets, Ethel got sick and pooped all over the kitchen and living room. It was some of the stinkiest cat poop I've ever smelled. And of course, it was diarrhea. I had to clean both floors and probably the blanket on the couch, too. I also had to quarantine the poor animal for a little while until it was clear that her intestines were empty. Pro tip: if you have a fireplace, ash is ideal for drying up cat diarrhea. I had somehow read about it, and it worked.
Although it was Florida, it was northern Florida in late December, so the nights were a bit chilly. I opened all the windows in an attempt to get rid of the stench in that part of the house, which worked to some extent, but of course, the house became quite cold. It took about two hours for the air in the room to be replaced enough for the smell to be gone from the living room and to be able to close the windows and turn the heater back on.
By that point, I had to cancel my Christmas Eve dinner plans. I was too hungry to cook, not to mention the smell of poop was not completely gone from the kitchen and visions of cat diarrhea still lingered in my mind. So, I threw a bland, pre-prepared dish in the microwave and ate it in five minutes. Talk about a Christmas dinner.
It was well after 10 p.m. when I could finally start my evening and try to have some fun.
I decided to watch a movie. There were always a few DVDs I hadn’t watched lying around—the record/DVD shop next to campus always had great deals on used DVDs. I picked one more or less at random and put it in the DVD player.
It was Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream.
I’m sure I would have loved it if I had seen it under different circumstances.
I haven't watched it again, but I probably should.
This is my other important advice: If you're home alone for Christmas, don't watch Requiem for a Dream. Or any other movie you haven't seen for that matter. Only watch movies you know well that won't surprise you.
Sometimes, I watch two movies on Christmas Eve. Not that night, though. I just went to bed. I probably fell asleep almost instantly.
That's it. That’s the story of my Christmas Eve in 2003.
So, if you’re alone this Christmas and start to feel down from boredom and loneliness, just think about my story.
Hopefully, your Christmas won't be as shitty as that one (pun intended).